|Tuesday, March 29th, 2005|
I got Jesse Jackson to agree with the Bush brothers.
PWNED! Current Mood: parsnip
|Monday, March 28th, 2005|
You know what the best part of this is? All those fundie morons are getting up there on TV saying I want to appear before Congress. I'm just in it for the wine.
But if I can make those religious nutjobs look even stupider, it's all worth it. Current Mood: kale
|Saturday, March 26th, 2005|
AHHHHH WAAANNNNTTT MAAAAAAHHHHHH EEEEMMMMMMM TEEEEEEE VEEEEEEEE Current Mood: broccoflower
|Friday, March 25th, 2005|
I felt something today I hadn't experienced in a while... hunger. But rather than being unpleasant, it felt more like the return of an old dear friend. It reminded me of a simpler time, when I was starved to the brink of death of my own free will and not by court order. If I can only get a nurse to stick my finger down my throat, it will feel just like 1989 again. Current Mood: arrugula, or maybe kale....
|Thursday, March 24th, 2005|
You ever get one of those itches you just can't scratch? Current Mood: asparagus
nnggggghhhhhhhhhhh Current Mood: vegetative
|Friday, March 18th, 2005|
|Thursday, March 10th, 2005|
|To whom it may concern
You are way smaller in the dick region
than the last guy who tried that. Current Mood: unsatisfied
|Saturday, January 1st, 2005|
|Happy New Year!
It was a great night last night. Everyone came by and the doctors poured some champagne and some really neat-looking hors d'ouevres into the tube. I was all farty for a while this morning, but it was a lot of fun! Current Mood: tomato
|Wednesday, December 29th, 2004|
The Sumatrans get all the water they want and more. Me, I wish I could lick my own sweat. Current Mood: rutabaga
|Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004|
Nice work. Guess it's four more years of infant formula and latex for me. Current Mood: eggplant
|Thursday, June 12th, 2003|
For the last twelve years I've had this plan to wait till everyone's not expecting it, and jump up and go "BAAAAAAAAAAACON!" I am so totally going to do that, just haven't decided when. Current Mood: kumquat
|Wednesday, September 4th, 2002|
Mom and Dad came by again tonight for yet another round of prayer healing. Enough with the chanting already!
I blinked twice during If you Love Jesus Clap Your Hands
. I just love fucking with them. Current Mood: Boston lettuce
|Saturday, August 24th, 2002|
[60Hz hum] Current Mood: metabolizing, kinda
|Wednesday, October 10th, 2001|
|Top ten things that suck about being comatose
10. Roaches crawling across my body. Eeeeeuuuuuugh!
9. Prolonged battle with producers of 'Weekend at Bernie's' over unpaid residuals
8. Parents think I'm saying "I love you" when it's just gas
7. Can't do anything to stop "Dancing Queen" from running through your head
6. Older brother thinks "Why are you hitting yourself?" is still funny, 15 years later
5. Sunglasses might let me look less like a fucking idiot
4. Don't heal 4 points a day like in D&D
3. Constant wondering if you left oven on, if you locked back door, if you signed living will
2. Still don't know who shot J.R.
1. Residents playing "bendy-toy fun" with the whole wing at 3 a.m. Current Mood: bok choy
|Wednesday, August 2nd, 2000|
|Thursday, July 15th, 1999|
|Sunday, September 1st, 1996|
For those who've asked:
It's kind of like watching the Teletubbies. Current Mood: pumpkin
|Saturday, February 8th, 1992|
Using the latest X-ray technology, doctors today confirmed our worst fears:
That purple part toward the front? That's grape-flavored jello. That's not so bad. The middle part is boysenberry - rare, but not untreatable. The worst news is toward the very back. If that green bit starts moving forward I'm screwed. Even the best neurologists in the world can't do a thing about Lime Disease. Current Mood: gibbering
|Thursday, February 22nd, 1990|
|Not feeling great today
I've been really dizzy all afternoon, and my left arm is just throbbing. I hope I'm not coming down with something. Current Mood: lethargic